by Dawn L. Billings, founder of RelationshipHelp.com
"Fear and intimidation, both in relationships and vaccinations, is never the answer. People do not trust the things they fear. Because of all the Covid vaccine misinformation, it's obvious why people don't want it. What we need now more than ever is to rebuild trust and compassion." Dr. Drew
If you have been paying attention to the media lately, which is very difficult not to, since networks with differing opinions are so busy screaming, yelling, accusing and blaming people who have different opinions. These opinions are portrayed in complete opposition, and people who believe them are portrayed as monsters on both sides. There is no more conversation, no more listening really, just a great deal of screaming, blaming, shaming and disfunction which truly is, as Dr. Drew refers to above, similar to a really terrible, troubled, dysfunctional relationship. We are witnessing an extremely bad marriage tearing itself apart everyday in front of our eyes. It is toxic, unkind, hateful and completely disrespectful. If I wasn't such a proponent of loving, effective, compassionate communication I would recommend a divorce for our media and political sides, but since we need our government, our media and our relationships to actually function for the good of our families, societies and country and world policies to be effective for their citizens, let's examine how this is destruction of trust and communication is happening to our world of people at this time.
We are living in a time of fear, no doubt. Fear that is fueled, perpetuated, exaggerated, and manipulated for nefarious means, not for the good of humanity, but for gaining and maintaining of political power, not power to the people, but a battle FOR power between the politicians. This DISease is spread like Covid because it is extremely contagious, even deadly, by those who want maintain power by using FEAR to control people. Control is an illusion because it is constantly shifting and moving in front of us like waves in the sea.
How would it be if we replaced "love of control" with a great desire for, or "love of compromise". To remove crippling fear, domination needs to be replaced with a true dedication to health for people, politics and relationships. Force needs to be replaced with foresight and understanding of what is the best answer for every person, instead of ALL people. I tell my clients when they come to see me and are on extreme sides that are in opposition to one another that they are forgetting the third entity that needs to be taken care of, the relationship, which is usually relegated to a dark corner, starving for attention, appreciation and any crumb of love and compassion. Have we forgotten that as human beings we are not a one-size-fits-all creature. That is exactly what brought the immigrants to our country from all around the world, the belief that along with being united for good, we also have the freedom to be true to our beliefs, faiths, philosophies, as long as we also grant that same freedom to those around us.
Just like relationships, politics and the media work to perpetuate political power, domination, extreme views, and division. But everyday people from all walks of life, every ethnicity, and background, long to be united, respected and simultaneously free to be true to who they are. This is the very common and ubiquitous war we fight each day as we attempt to do what seems to be in opposition, be free to be ourselves and hold our beliefs dear, and yet be connected and hold others dear and in high regard as well. This CENTER path is definitely the road less taken. It is not an easy path to cut our way through, and certainly not the easily traveled, paved with six lanes one way, as the well traveled highways to division, fear, anger, judgment and control.
Instead WE, media, politicians and countries need to learn about a very important place called the CENTER. Between the extremes on both sides of the large center sine wave of humanity does not represent what is best about us as individuals and a community, instead the extremes represent the worst. What is best about us as human beings lives in a place called the CENTER. Just about all religious and philosophical beliefs attempt to teach us about this place called center, because it is in the center where all great things get thought, created, felt and implemented. The center is where peace, contentment, communication, connection, and especially compassion live.
CENTERED vs. EXTREME color personality tendencies:
So what are EXTREMES and how do they differ from the CENTER? That is truly an excellent question so let's find the answer. We will use the example of the only relationship personality insight tests created specifically to help heal, strengthen and reconnect struggling/broken relationships. This relational insight tool is called the Primary Colors Personality Tests (a set of six easy to take, (on your phone, laptop or computer), easy to understand and easy to implement personality tests. These personality tests are built on the artist's color wheel which consists of six colors, the 3 primary colors (red, blue and yellow), and the 3 secondary colors (purple, orange and green, which of course are a blend of the 3 primary colors). We learn these colors when we are very young, but we don't learn how to use them to better understand ourselves and those around us. We don't not learn how to use them to heal, enhance and strengthen communication. But there is always that dream for tomorrow.
Centered color personality tendencies are our natural temperament and personality tendencies that are the BEST about us. This is where we develop our strengths, our gifts and our greatest talents. ALL good things come from our centered personality tendencies.
Our Extreme color personality tendencies are what happens to human beings when they move from their centered, wonderful strengths and tendencies into a perverted version of their personality colors. This is where ALL FEAR, missteps, arguments, misery, condemnation, anger, hostility, judgement, sarcasm, hateful and and hurtful things live that harm, twist, spin, disfigure and destroy communication and relationships.
Our center tendencies cause of to feel hopeful, happy, kind, confident, compassionate and caring. While our extreme personality tendencies cause us to feel angry, anxious, afraid, unhappy, disconnected and ready to FIGHT or take FLIGHT. Extreme personality tendencies always cause us to be less of who we dream of, or desire to be. They are where all shame and guilt are born, and they bring us noting of real value, unless we love feeling or believing "We are Right!"
Compromise, Compassion and Creativity
What if, because of understanding the difference between CENTERED color personality tendencies and EXTREME color personality tendencies and how they effect communication, thought processes, perception, and reaction to everything around us, we were able to relate to, communicate with, understand, respect, feel compassion for, and even admire people who held differing, passionate opinions? What if because of that new way of perceiving and understanding we discovered that we had more in common that we we imagined we hideously opposed about one another? What if we found interesting, effective, out-of-the box solutions that served humanity, health and relationships as a whole in more respectful, effective and compassionate ways? Now that would be a much happier and healthier world for sure.
Dawn L. Billings, author, patented inventor of the parenting tool Capables, a personality and communication expert, and founder of RelationshipHelp.com programs, including RelationshipHelpAtHome.com.
Dawn is the author of the Happiness Curriculum for an OverJOYed Life.
In 20008, Dawn was chosen as one of 80 emerging women leaders by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project and was selected as one of 15 'Women of Influence' by the Cobb County YWCA.
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